Let’s Talk About Sex: Reflections on Sexuality Education in the US

I’ve often heard it said that there are only two things in life that are certain; death and taxes. In my life, I’ve had two more revelations. First, change is inevitable. Secondly, if we pay close attention we always find reason to be hopeful, inspiration leading to the next right step and validation that we are living on purpose and doing what we are here to do.

Last night, while watching the movie, Let’s Talk About Sex, I got exactly what I needed. I love when that happens! I woke up grateful, inspired and energetic at a time when I could very easily be discouraged and frustrated.

Before I get too far into this article, let me tell you where I’m coming from. For the past ten years, I’ve been teaching comprehensive sexuality education programs starting in elementary school and continuing into young adulthood. I work with parents to help them better understand teen development and behavior and improve communication with their kids about sexuality and other challenging topics.

I give this movie two thumbs up. I agree with Hugh Jackman, “Whether you have children, teach children or are around children at all… this movie is a must see.” It clearly outlines some key issues that need to be addressed if we are to promote healthy attitudes towards sexuality while reducing teen and unintended pregnancy in the US.

The movie highlights the following issues:

~The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in all the developed countries.

~Our attitudes towards teen sexuality in the US are very different than in other developed countries.

~Sexuality is a huge marketing tool; used to sell lots of things in our country and in all types of media. The reality is that sex sells product.

~ Humans are sexual beings. We are all here because an egg met a sperm. Period.

~ Eighty-five percent of adults in the United States support comprehensive sexuality education for our youth. Science clearly proves that it works. And we are not doing it.

~ Religion poses a major barrier in the US to the delivery of what we know to be effective; namely comprehensive sexuality education. At the same time, religious leaders and organizations can play a huge role in providing new solutions to teen pregnancy.

~ Even when teens have honest, open relationships with their parents, most teens aren’t honest with their parents about their sexual activity.

This movie clearly outlines the most pressing issues we are facing in reducing teen pregnancy in the US. It reminds me why I am so passionate about my work and clarifies what we can together to help prevent us from losing more ground.

It is with that in mind that I reflect and share my thoughts about Let’s Talk About Sex.

As an educated woman and health professional, I find it astounding that the US has the highest teen pregnancy rate in all the developed countries. We know what works. We need to be doing it. Now.

I’m amazed that our advertising and media campaigns use sex to sell everything from lipstick to laptops; yet we live in a society where we struggle to providing our kids with accurate information about how their own bodies work and why.

It is ridiculous that 85 percent of US adults in our population support comprehensive sexuality education for our kids, yet we are losing ground on this issue because a small percentage of very verbal and powerful individuals and organizations keep fighting against what we know works, and in fact saves our government billions of dollars every year.

As all this is happening teenagers are continuing to engage in sexual behavior, are naturally curious about sex and/or thinking about sex and are afraid or embarrassed to talk about it openly to the people closest to them.

I spend a significant amount of my time helping teens reconcile the guilt they feel for not being able to talk with their parents about what they’re really thinking, what they’re really curious about and what they’re really doing. Their guilt doesn’t stop them from being sexually active. What they really want is to be able to tell their parents the truth about what they are choosing and why. Some choose to have the conversation. Some choose to wait to talk with them. Often we practice how to initiate the conversation. Some state that they simply can’t for fear their parents will disown them for going against family values.

Perhaps the most important issue of all, as I see it, that seems to beg for so much more attention than we have the time or funding to really address appropriately, but is perhaps the most important issue of all… love, healthy communication and relationship skills. How great would it be to provide a consistent forum and presence to allow kids to get support to help them understand and process all that’s happening to them physically and emotionally and learn how to grow through it with a great understanding of themselves and others as well as an appreciation for the miracle that sexuality is and a foundation for healthy respect and connectedness on all levels.

Lately, I’ve been struggling to identify new funding sources to support this important work that is in jeopardy. My clinic and outreach program is in NH. We have one of the very lowest teen pregnancy rates in the US. We use strategies that are proven effective and endorsed by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and base all our programs on a research-based asset development framework developed by the Search Institute called the 40 Developmental Assets. Rather than having our funding, we should be used as a model for the parts of our country where the teen pregnancy rates are high.

Let’s Talk About Sex did a great job of motivating viewers to take action toward being a part of the solution! As the credits played, I began brainstorming a list of action steps we can take to spread the word and increase the frequency, reach and scope of conversations that need to happen to make the US shift toward better serving our future generation.

Teens in the US need your support. It’s not enough to say you support comprehensive sexuality education. It time to be taking action to be sure your kids are getting it! I suggest the following action steps:

~Watch the movie, Let’s Talk About Sex You can buy it on Amazon or stream if for free on Netflix by visiting http://www.letstalkaboutsexthefilm.com/

~Talk about the movie… with your spouse, your kids, your school district, your community! Check out this website for a discussion guide at http://www.letstalkaboutsexthefilm.com.

~Commit to taking action towards creating a solution!

~Find out what your child is learning at school.

~Evaluate honestly what your kids are learning from you and if you need support, get it.

~Start right where you are with your own kids and provide them with effective, comprehensive sex education.

Parents need to take an active, consistent and ongoing role to help their kids develop an understanding of their bodies and promote healthy sexual decision making, communication and attitudes that promote healthy relationships for a lifetime.

How to Have Sex Like a Movie Star

Having sex like a movie star is amazing. It’s always perfect, always great, and always mind blowing with great orgasms at the end. Many times, there are multiple orgasms and the sex lasts all night. In a word: incredible.

So how can you have sex like a movie star? How can you achieve sexual perfection? It is actually possible, but first you need these things:

  1. A perfect setting. You might try having sex in a five million dollar beach house while the sun sets over the Pacific. Or you could be in a high rise apartment overlooking vast city lights.
  2. Dishes / glasses / furniture that is expensive, but no one cares about. When you are in the middle of having sex like a movie star, if a Ming Dynasty vase crashes to the ground, you won’t care. If you sweep the dishes off the table to make love on it, neither one of you will care about the mess or the need to replace the dishes.
  3. The ability to never tire. Having sex lie a movie star requires that neither one of you ever tires – until the perfect simultaneous orgasm.
  4. Theme music. Very important – this is cool, because it comes on automatically when you start getting hot and heavy.
  5. No distractions, the ability to always be comfortable in any position, no phone calls, perfect lighting, no children’s demands, perfect makeup, endless fluids, perfect hair, no foot cramps, the ability to always be in the perfect position, ultimate flexibility, and the ability to read your partner’s mind.

It is quite simple to have sex like a movie star if you are in a movie with a full staff of people to make sure everything is perfect. The fact is that if you expect sex to be like it is in the movies, you will always be disappointed. But you CAN have fantastic sex – better than movie star sex; because you can learn the techniques to make it great and the sex will be real. But keep it real. Having unrealistic expectations can ruin sex for you and your wife. In fact, having any expectations at all will create an environment of pressure and disappointment which will reduce her libido.

So what is the key to great sex? Relax, go with the flow, and learn some sizzling sex techniques. There is no shame in learning something new – or trying something new. In fact, she will appreciate it more than you know. Why? Because to her, your effort to learn how to please her like no other can or could says you care about her and you love her. That is what is important to her. Truthfully, there are techniques you can use to tantalize turn on your wife so much, she will beg you to be deep inside her; she will crave you like never before; and her sex drive will be off the charts.

Knowledge is power – and in the case of your sex life, knowledge of better techniques and how to treat your wife right will get you more sex. So learn all you can.

Great Sex is Like a Great Movie

A quick search tells me about 600 movies are released in US theatres each year. Now have a quick think and work out how many of those movies you actually watched. Then have another think and decide what ones you thought were actually great movies.

Now, putting aside personal preferences, there are some movies that capture the imagination of millions of people. Sometimes these are the movies that attract a lot of buzz like the latest Indiana Jones movie… but that doesn’t guarantee people will love it.

If you look at the various lists of top movies, I find there’s one common thread that runs through them. They took the audience on an emotional journey.

Think about your favourite movies… what emotions do you feel? Do you fall in love with the characters? Or do you hate them? Do the movies scare you? Or do they make you laugh? All great movies cause an emotional reaction in the viewer.

And the same is true for great sex. Sure, you can have sex 600 times a year, but if there’s no emotion it’ll never be great sex. If you think back to your most memorable sexual experiences you can see how emotion played a strong role.

Maybe you hadn’t seen your lover for a while or it was someone you had to chase for a long time. It could be that you just felt a lot of passion for that person or perhaps it was “forbidden” love. External events might have played a part and raised the emotion of the situation as well.

Emotion is what makes the difference between good sex and great sex. Sure, you can love someone and have good sex with them on a regular basis, but with a bit of a kick start you can turn this into great sex.

To do this you might try:

  • Having a special romantic evening
  • Teasing your lover
  • Having sex somewhere “naughty”
  • Abstaining… for a while
  • Playing out fantasies
  • Trying something “forbidden”
  • Creating anticipation in advance

There are many ways to heighten emotions during sex and I recommend you try everything you can think of. A little bit of thought is all it takes to take good sex and make it great sex… and who doesn’t want that?