Let’s Talk About Sex: Reflections on Sexuality Education in the US

I’ve often heard it said that there are only two things in life that are certain; death and taxes. In my life, I’ve had two more revelations. First, change is inevitable. Secondly, if we pay close attention we always find reason to be hopeful, inspiration leading to the next right step and validation that we are living on purpose and doing what we are here to do.

Last night, while watching the movie, Let’s Talk About Sex, I got exactly what I needed. I love when that happens! I woke up grateful, inspired and energetic at a time when I could very easily be discouraged and frustrated.

Before I get too far into this article, let me tell you where I’m coming from. For the past ten years, I’ve been teaching comprehensive sexuality education programs starting in elementary school and continuing into young adulthood. I work with parents to help them better understand teen development and behavior and improve communication with their kids about sexuality and other challenging topics.

I give this movie two thumbs up. I agree with Hugh Jackman, “Whether you have children, teach children or are around children at all… this movie is a must see.” It clearly outlines some key issues that need to be addressed if we are to promote healthy attitudes towards sexuality while reducing teen and unintended pregnancy in the US.

The movie highlights the following issues:

~The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in all the developed countries.

~Our attitudes towards teen sexuality in the US are very different than in other developed countries.

~Sexuality is a huge marketing tool; used to sell lots of things in our country and in all types of media. The reality is that sex sells product.

~ Humans are sexual beings. We are all here because an egg met a sperm. Period.

~ Eighty-five percent of adults in the United States support comprehensive sexuality education for our youth. Science clearly proves that it works. And we are not doing it.

~ Religion poses a major barrier in the US to the delivery of what we know to be effective; namely comprehensive sexuality education. At the same time, religious leaders and organizations can play a huge role in providing new solutions to teen pregnancy.

~ Even when teens have honest, open relationships with their parents, most teens aren’t honest with their parents about their sexual activity.

This movie clearly outlines the most pressing issues we are facing in reducing teen pregnancy in the US. It reminds me why I am so passionate about my work and clarifies what we can together to help prevent us from losing more ground.

It is with that in mind that I reflect and share my thoughts about Let’s Talk About Sex.

As an educated woman and health professional, I find it astounding that the US has the highest teen pregnancy rate in all the developed countries. We know what works. We need to be doing it. Now.

I’m amazed that our advertising and media campaigns use sex to sell everything from lipstick to laptops; yet we live in a society where we struggle to providing our kids with accurate information about how their own bodies work and why.

It is ridiculous that 85 percent of US adults in our population support comprehensive sexuality education for our kids, yet we are losing ground on this issue because a small percentage of very verbal and powerful individuals and organizations keep fighting against what we know works, and in fact saves our government billions of dollars every year.

As all this is happening teenagers are continuing to engage in sexual behavior, are naturally curious about sex and/or thinking about sex and are afraid or embarrassed to talk about it openly to the people closest to them.

I spend a significant amount of my time helping teens reconcile the guilt they feel for not being able to talk with their parents about what they’re really thinking, what they’re really curious about and what they’re really doing. Their guilt doesn’t stop them from being sexually active. What they really want is to be able to tell their parents the truth about what they are choosing and why. Some choose to have the conversation. Some choose to wait to talk with them. Often we practice how to initiate the conversation. Some state that they simply can’t for fear their parents will disown them for going against family values.

Perhaps the most important issue of all, as I see it, that seems to beg for so much more attention than we have the time or funding to really address appropriately, but is perhaps the most important issue of all… love, healthy communication and relationship skills. How great would it be to provide a consistent forum and presence to allow kids to get support to help them understand and process all that’s happening to them physically and emotionally and learn how to grow through it with a great understanding of themselves and others as well as an appreciation for the miracle that sexuality is and a foundation for healthy respect and connectedness on all levels.

Lately, I’ve been struggling to identify new funding sources to support this important work that is in jeopardy. My clinic and outreach program is in NH. We have one of the very lowest teen pregnancy rates in the US. We use strategies that are proven effective and endorsed by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and base all our programs on a research-based asset development framework developed by the Search Institute called the 40 Developmental Assets. Rather than having our funding, we should be used as a model for the parts of our country where the teen pregnancy rates are high.

Let’s Talk About Sex did a great job of motivating viewers to take action toward being a part of the solution! As the credits played, I began brainstorming a list of action steps we can take to spread the word and increase the frequency, reach and scope of conversations that need to happen to make the US shift toward better serving our future generation.

Teens in the US need your support. It’s not enough to say you support comprehensive sexuality education. It time to be taking action to be sure your kids are getting it! I suggest the following action steps:

~Watch the movie, Let’s Talk About Sex You can buy it on Amazon or stream if for free on Netflix by visiting http://www.letstalkaboutsexthefilm.com/

~Talk about the movie… with your spouse, your kids, your school district, your community! Check out this website for a discussion guide at http://www.letstalkaboutsexthefilm.com.

~Commit to taking action towards creating a solution!

~Find out what your child is learning at school.

~Evaluate honestly what your kids are learning from you and if you need support, get it.

~Start right where you are with your own kids and provide them with effective, comprehensive sex education.

Parents need to take an active, consistent and ongoing role to help their kids develop an understanding of their bodies and promote healthy sexual decision making, communication and attitudes that promote healthy relationships for a lifetime.

Vagina Intercourse Orgasm – How to Make Every Sex Session Better Than Ever

The intercourse orgasm seems to have status above other orgasms. If you don’t believe me, look at almost any movie sex scene in the last 30 years. What you will see is the hero and the heroine having intercourse for what the segues assure us is hours and ending with an intercourse orgasm. While this does also have something to do with Hollywood’s fear of showing oral sex on film, the intercourse orgasm has become important to many couples. There is an added level of intimacy to having an orgasm face-to-face at the same time which other techniques don’t manage.

The Vagina During Intercourse

As orgasms go, the intercourse orgasm is actually one of the harder ones to reliably give a woman. The renowned sex scientists Masters and Johnson wrote that only a third of the women they tested could have an orgasm consistently during intercourse. Basically the reasons why some women could and others couldn’t came mostly down to technique.

Possibly inspired by the Kamasutra or their favorite movie, a lot of guys spend a significant amount of time changing positions during sex. While there is nothing necessarily wrong with this, the only problem is that all positions are not created equal. Each position targets a different erogenous zone in a different way, so when you change positions a lot it can make it difficult for her to get consistent stimulation. This is okay at the beginning of sex, but when she comes to orgasm this will make it difficult for her to finish.

The missionary position, for example, is good for giving a woman a clitoris orgasm. On the other hand, rear-entry positions target the G-spot or Deep Spot. If you really want to give her an orgasm, then your foreplay and intercourse have to target the same erogenous zone. This doesn’t mean that you can’t still have fun experimenting as there are still multiple positions that target the same area. You can stimulate the G-spot with her on top, or lying beneath you or on all fours.

Knowing how to give her a vagina intercourse orgasm is a useful skill to have. Many couples believe that having a simultaneous orgasm is one of the most intimate things that a couple can do together in bed. Also because so few women have these orgasms regularly, it gives you a great opportunity to show how special sex with you is. When she believes that she gets something from you that she can’t get from most men, that is when you make yourself irreplaceable.

Is Casual Sex Just for the Movies?

While there will always be an ongoing debate surrounding the morality of casual sex, the fact is that more people want it then may actually admit it. Just check out an adult online dating site and you will understand what I mean. But what is more enticing? The opportunity to tally up how many members of the opposite sex you are able to sleep with? Or, could it be that you desire to have the benefits of an intimate relationship with a friend, even if it’s just a casual relationship, without the emotional stuff that often comes with a serious relationship. Let’s be honest. In a relationship we are rarely afraid of the physical part of casual sex; it’s the emotional side that can scare the hell out of us!

With recent movies hitting the big screen in the U.S. like No Strings Attached and Hall Pass, more people are wondering if casual sex is just for the movies. Can a casual relationship really work once you take it off the big screen and put it in the setting of the average living room, or kitchen, or bedroom, or elevator, of the average couple.

Some experts say that casual sex without commitment is impossible. Others say that a casual relationship with a no strings attached relationship is very possible, and can actually be healthy. Where you land on this issue may have much to do with your maturity, your age, or your lifestyle.

If you are interested in hooking up for a casual encounter the best advice out there is to communicate clearly with your potential partner. It’s when two people have different end games, or expectations, in mind that things can get sticky. Remember that emotional baggage that we mentioned before…the stuff that scares us? Well, that’s what will result if you’re not clear up front about what the sexual encounter is all about.

You must be ready and willing to tell yourself and your mate that “I am not ready for a relationship; I am not interested in having a serious relationship with you – now or in the future; and all I want is some good, clean, no strings attached casual sex.”

If you cannot honestly say that then perhaps you need to think a bit more about an illicit encounter.

People that enjoy casual sex and are able to have healthy casual relationships are mature and honest. You have to know yourself, which in and of itself is a very desirable trait. If you have a sexual style that is different from modern norms then be sure that you explore it with someone who wants the same thing. Trust me, these folks are out there just waiting to hook up, and you can often find them through adult online dating sites.

If you are interested in making a casual sex movie more of a reality for you then be sure to do it the right way. And by “do it” I mean approach the casual relationship with the right attitude. Casual sex is about having fun; however, it’s also about being mature, responsible, and safe. Don’t get emotionally wrapped up – casual sex is more about getting wrapped up in another way such as between the bed sheets!